Let’s begin here today with a reminder that narcissism is all about one person wanting to maintain control over another, and then a whole host of other characteristics come along with it. And as part of their need for control, narcissists have no problem whatsoever in playing manipulation games with you.
They can be very demeaning, and they want to create a sense of confusion. They want to make sure that you know that they’re in charge, they have the final word, and so there are all sorts of ways that they can mess with your head, and in doing so keep you in the inadequate or the inferior kind of position.
So, today I want to go through eight of the very common manipulation games that narcissus will play with you. And as you’re onto this, then you can be able to spot it and learn not to get sucked into all of the junk that goes along with it.
1. The dehumanizing game
Now the first game I want to mention to you, and the reason I’m putting this first is that it’s one of those that has an overlay on all of the other things that I’m going to mention to you. The first thing that a narcissus will do is they will dehumanize you.
In healthy relationships, we want to try to remember that person in front of you is someone who is a real individual with real perceptions, needs, and legitimacy, they deserve respect and honor. But the narcissist, if they start thinking in that direction, it’s like, now I lose my power if I hold that other individual in high regard, or if I see them as being my equal, and so what they’ll do is they make sure that you know that you’re not that kind of person. games narcissist play
They don’t see your feelings as legitimate, they don’t see your perceptions as worthy, and so they’ll go into this dehumanizing process with all sorts of insults, name-calling, character assassination, undermining, and that’s a very important thing for them to do because it keeps you off balance. And you’re over there trying to scramble proving yourself to them, and it’s like, yeah, I like it when you try to prove yourself to me that, and that means that you’re beholding to me. That’s part of their game, they dehumanize you and try to take away your legitimacy as a regular person. games narcissist play
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2. The blame-shifting game
Conflict is part of any kind of relationship, whether it’s work, or extended family, friendships, or elsewhere. But we’re not all going to think the same, and we’re going sometimes to differ, and sometimes we created annoyance and frustration with each other. Okay fair enough. games narcissist play
In healthy relationships, you sit down and I sit down, and we say let’s talk about that so that we can come to a nice sweet milligram. But not the narcissist, whenever there are conflicts and differences, they’re thinking, okay, who are we gonna blame? And who’s at fault because it sure isn’t me.
They’ll go into all sorts of efforts to make sure that you know that that you’re the cause for all of the problems. They can have emotional outbursts at you, how dare you treat me? This way, they may try to take the moral high ground it’s like, well, I would never do anything like you. They can actually slander you and say all sorts of ugly things, and then they’ll do the scapegoating kind of thing if there’s a problem. Rather than saying, well, why don’t we each take a look at where we all fit in with this, it’s like, no, there’s someone to blame here, it’s you, and I’m gonna put it all on to you. games narcissist play
So in the blame-shifting kind of category, they look for a scapegoat, they look for someone who can carry the burden of the problem, and it’s inevitably gonna be you. It certainly isn’t going to be them because they have too high and lofty of a view of themselves.
3. The word salad game
The goal of the word salad game is to create confusion. They want to discredit you, and they don’t want to really deal with issues straight up. So it goes like this, let’s suppose that somebody has had some sort of irresponsibility and you’re trying to call them out on it, and so instead of not talking about that subject and saying, tell me what it is you want me to know? They may start arguing about non-essential details. Well, but I told you this, and this was that… It’s not really what you were getting into. games narcissist play
Or maybe they’ll say well, why don’t we talk about your deficiencies? So they can go into that where they may start talking about history. It’s like, well, you’re telling this about me, but I remember four years ago that… and then do you remember when you were talking to this person over here, and they get you going over there. Or they can cite how other people may think, well, you’re saying this but this person over here says this, do you know where this person’s background is? They try to get you diverted off of here, and then about 15 or 20 minutes later you’re thinking now, what was the original topic?
That’s the word salad game. They just try to jumble up all sorts of irrelevant details in there or how they take your focus off of the original topic. That’s how it works, and it creates confusion. games narcissist play
4. The gaslighting game
This is one that I’m sure you’re quite common with and that’s the gaslighting game. That takes us word salad thing a little bit further gaslighting, and I’ve had some other articles on this topic is an attempt to distort your understanding of reality.
Now, when a person is gaslighting you, they’ll call into question what is true, and what is accurate versus what is not, and you’ll hear the narcissist say things like, I didn’t say that or I did say that but not in the context that you took it, or they may say well, you specifically told me this and I was just responding on that when in fact you’re thinking did I say that. games narcissist play
It may be that they’ll tell you half-truths, and they’ll say well, here’s what happened today, and then they leave out some important details, and then when you’re over here saying oh, I didn’t realize that. They’re not really going along with the truth, they just want to maintain confusion.
Sometimes, they’ll say some very flattering things about you, and they may say things like no one in this world respects and honors you more than me! And you’re over there criticizing being saying other things, do you know how many times I’ve stood up for you and you’re thinking, I really don’t.
So they try to make themselves out to be one thing and cause you to question your reality about something out of that. That’s what gaslighting is all about. You walk away thinking well, I don’t even know which end is up now, and they’re thinking, good, that’s the game. games narcissist play
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5. The projection game
The fifth game that they commonly play is the one of projection, and projection if you think about in a movie, theatre, the projectors over here in the pictures over there in projection you, they see in you what’s going on inside of them.
For example, let’s suppose the narcissist is a highly critical person, and so in projection, that narcissist may say, you know, I’ve been watching you, and you’re a very critical person, or the narcissist has problems with immorality issues. They say things like, you’re not someone I can trust well at all. That’s the pot calling pale black, but they don’t really get into that part. games narcissist play
They see in you what they don’t want to have to deal with in themselves, and then if you come along and say well, let’s talk about where this fits with you, it’s like, see there you go, you’re always trying to put it on to me, so they accuse you of the very thing that they’re doing or the very thing they’re struggling with that’s the projection, and it creates confusion which allows them to stay in the dominant kind of position. That’s the name of their game.
6. The broad generalization game
Many times, narcissists in their manipulation will speak in broad generalizations. As you’re trying to pin them down and talk with them about specific problems, they may say things like, you know, for as long as I’ve known you, you’ve had problems with insecurity.
So they make these broad statements, and it’s like well, I have my moments but that’s not the sum total of everything I am, or maybe they’ll say, you know, I remember you telling me about how do you had some insecurities as a teenager, and I’m seeing it right now that’s just something that’s followed you for your entire life. games narcissist play
In fact, your whole family is full of insecure people, and you’re just playing that out broad statements like that, or everyone knows that you tell lies or that you don’t follow through on things or constantly doing things wrong. Sometimes those kinds of problems might be there, but then they turn it into these broad wide statements, and it’s a way of labeling you as the loser, they don’t see you as being a mixture of plusses and minuses like we all are.
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