Being in a relationship with a narcissist or dating a narcissist is like dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight. You don’t see the horns, you don’t realize he is red, and you think that pitchfork is some kind of swanky, oversized utensil. By the light of day, though, the picture starts to come into focus.
It’s difficult to identify a true narcissist or a person with a narcissistic personality. For me, I caught on almost too late to spare myself from this person who suffered from a pathological lifelong personality disorder.
It took a year for me to understand that the rules of love didn’t apply and that this relationship was a disaster to my mind, body, and soul. I found out that I was dating a narcissist.
Today we’re going to talk about being in a relationship with a narcissist by offering you the 12 signs that you’re dating a narcissist. Now, let’s begin.
Number 1 : Me talk
If your partner is a self-centered as a narcissist, there’s only one thing they ever want to talk about. “THEMSELVES”. They find ways to make themselves the subject of every conversation, every story revolves around them, every reference leads back to them.
They’re constantly the center of attention, and they like it that way. But there’s one particularly annoying habit that almost every narcissist does in a relationship, every narcissist rambles about their own great qualities, but a narcissistic partner wants to hear you talk about them too. They’ll ask you self-centered questions like, so what do you like the most about me? Or what about my personality? Are you the most attracted to? It’s normal to ask these kinds of questions every once in a while.
Your partner might honestly be curious about how you feel but if your partner drops the same conceited questions on a regular basis, soon, you’ve got a much bigger problem because there’s a good chance you’re being in a relationship with a narcissist.
Number 2 : Exaggerated language
But it isn’t just the subject of the conversation that comes off as self-centered. You’ve probably noticed the same arrogance or self-importance in the way they talk about themselves, the words they use, and the kind of stories they tell.
Okay, let’s say your partner tells you about finding someone’s wallet from the sidewalk. A normal person might say they were relieved to find the wallet’s owner or that someone else didn’t run off with it. But narcissists have a very particular way of characterizing themselves.
They want to look like the hero of any story. They want every story to give you a reason to admire them. To feel attracted to them. They want to leave behind an image of confidence and achievement, especially if they’re talking to a significant other. That’s why narcissists exaggerate almost every detail. They spice up the action, raise the stakes, and emphasize their heroism just to impress you. Suddenly, that story isn’t about finding someone’s lost wallet, it’s just another chance for your partner to brag about how great they are.
A narcissistic partner will talk a big game, but when it comes time to back it up, they consistently fall short. This lack of follow-through is all too common among narcissists. Whether it’s something little like a chore or something big like a job interview. Your narcissistic partner will tell you they have everything under control, but they rarely ever do.
If this sounds like your partner, you should ask yourself one important question, Is my partner really a dependable person? If no, well, you may be dating a narcissist.
Number 3 : Zero follow-through
We all like to believe our significant others are people that we can count on. People that will come through for us when it matters most but are they actually dependable? Does your partner really do the things they say?
They’re going to do because that lack of consistency is a huge red flag because everyone no matter who you are should be with someone you can count on.
Number 4 : Inflexible empathy
On the flip side, accountability might not be a problem for your partner. Instead, they might have unreasonably high expectations of you. Many narcissistic partners are extremely unforgiving if you’re five minutes late for a date. They’ll yell at you like you just crashed their car.
Narcissists expect you to be perfect at every turn and want you to do every single thing that they ask, no matter what. So the moment that you fail or disappoint them, your narcissistic partner is going to let you have it.
Number 5 : Requiring validation
In the mind of a narcissist, nothing is worth doing unless someone is there to see it. They thrive when other people recognize their success. Those compliments inspire them and drive them. For example, if they work extra hard on a presentation at work, they’re not doing it because they care about their project, they’re putting in all those extra hours just to hear their boss tell them they did a great job, or to put their co-workers to shame.
But what happens when no one recognizes their work without any kind of validation? Narcissists either get lazy or get desperate. They start searching for compliments from everyone around them. Most importantly their significant other.
If your partner is constantly fishing for compliments, you might be dating a narcissist.
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Number 6 : Violating the rules
Narcissists hate being told what to do. They think that anyone who gives them orders is trying to put them down or make them look small. So they’ll do anything to prove how powerful they are, just to show people that no one can tell them what they can and can’t do. That’s why many narcissists make a habit of breaking rules. Not because they’re angry or defiant, they break their rules just to break them more often than not.
Narcissists have a rap sheet of petty crimes, like stealing chips from a gas station. They’ll rarely do anything serious. They won’t rob a bank or steal a car. No, they won’t hurt anyone, but they’ll perform these small acts of defiance because they want to prove how fearless they are.
If you’re dating a narcissist, you might hear them bragging about running a stop sign or cutting in line. They’ll insist that it just doesn’t matter that the rules are just there to be broken.
But the truth is you’re dating someone who’s really self-centered, who values their own time and space way more than anyone else. Which means you’re probably dating a narcissist.
Number 7 : Obsession with status
Does your partner act like their friends with celebrities? Or do they brag about how much money they make? Narcissists are often obsessed with status and power, even if they don’t have either one. They’ll pretend like they’re the wealthiest person in the room. why?
Well, because they need people to look up to them. It’s how a narcissist develops their self-worth. They want the people around them to feel inferior. That’s also why narcissists shy away from people with real power because they feel small in comparison. They know they can’t compete.
Narcissists surround themselves with people they feel superior to. In other words, if you’re dating a narcissist, they probably think they’re better than you.
Number 8 : The silent treatment
Couples have been using the silent treatment for hundreds of years, but narcissists use this little punishment more than anyone else. You see a narcissist believes that talking to them is a gift. They think you need to hear their voice. Otherwise, you’ll feel empty and incomplete.
So when they want to punish you, they’ll just keep quiet because, in their mind, the silent treatment is basically torture.
Number 9: Lack of positivity
Narcissists don’t like to acknowledge anyone else’s success. They’re the first person to jump on a mistake or make fun of someone behind their back. But when something goes right, a narcissist has nothing positive to say. why?
Well, because narcissists don’t want anyone to look better than them. They treat everyone’s success as a direct challenge, even their partners. They’ll devalue your accomplishments and subtly undermine your success just to make themselves feel superior.
So pay attention to how often your partner encourages and praises you. If you’re with the kind of person who rarely ever supports you, chances you’re being in a relationship with a narcissist
Number 10 : False entitlement
Does your partner get mad when you tell them no? This is very common among narcissistic partners because they feel entitled to everything you have. They expect you to willingly give up anything at the drop of a hat. If they want it, you’re supposed to give it to them.
Imagine you’re at work, one day when your significant other asks you to bring them lunch. Now a normal partner would understand when you said you couldn’t because you’re too busy with work, but a narcissistic partner would act like your job is less important than their lunch.
Now, of course, the entitlement doesn’t stop there. Narcissistic partner acts in title toward everyone around them. They get angry with servers for making them wait a few extra minutes. They yell at store clerks who make some kind of tiny mistake.
So if you notice a pattern of disrespect, you’re probably being in a relationship with a narcissist.
Number 11: Failure to commit
Have you ever noticed that your significant other is scared of commitment? You want to take things to the next level. You want to get serious with them, but for whatever reason, they say things like, oh, I don’t like labels. Their lack of commitment might be a sign of narcissism. why?
Because your partner is looking for the easiest least intensive way to keep the relationship alive. They want all the benefits of a relationship with none of the commitment. They want attention and intimacy, but they’ll do anything to avoid titles or labels.
If you let them, your narcissistic partner will take advantage of you for as long as they can. So don’t let them get away with it.
Number 12: willing admission
Yeah, I know it sounds strange, but most narcissists will recognize their own narcissism. In fact, they’ll willingly admit to having some of the most common and self-destructive symptoms.
Narcissists aren’t blind to their own behavior. They often know what they’re doing wrong. They know that they’re being manipulative or entitled. And they know that they aren’t being as supportive of their partner as they should. But they have too much pride to actually do anything about it. That does mean, however, that they’re self-aware. If you show a narcissist the symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder, they’ll be able to recognize those symptoms in themselves.
This was actually proven by a recent study that recreated this exact situation. Researchers educated people who tested positive for NPD, and they found that most narcissists readily recognized their own narcissism.
So, if you think you’re being in a relationship with a narcissist, don’t be afraid to come right out and ask your partner. There’s a good chance that your partner can tell you everything you need to know.
This is all you need to know about being in a relationship with a narcissist. Please, if you like this article, don’t forget to share it with your friends and family.
Read more: How To Heal After A Breakup With A Narcissist
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