In today’s topic, we are going to talking about the four most common narcissistic games and how to recognize them.
Much has been said about the fact that the creation of “triangles” (triangulation) is one of the favorite forms of manipulation, which narcissists and people with personality disorders of group B often resort to.
Nevertheless, I think that in any relationship, it’s important to learn how to identify signs and warning bells for narcissistic or sociopathic behavior. This way, we can protect ourselves from exploitation and abuse. And we can make informed decisions about who we want to associate with. And we can set appropriate boundaries to help us avoid the negative effects of toxic interactions.
I will describe the four most common triangulation methods used by narcissists and sociopaths and the motives behind them.
Narcissists and drug addicts are very observant. They can smell a person’s inclination for generosity and caring in the same way that a white shark in the ocean smells a drop of blood from a mile away. Daffodils are observant and experienced predators. They control and exploit their partners … and not only partners – they do this to everyone with whom they come into contact, playing on other people’s weaknesses.
This is why the love-bombing phase is so important to the narcissist’s success. No matter how confident and self-confident you are at the beginning of a relationship, from the constant attention, flattery, and “love” with which the narcissist hugs you “to your fingertips,” you literally and figuratively get out of balance and become vulnerable by default.
You never entered into a relationship with a narcissist on purpose to be abused and manipulated. But You were deceived into believing that you are loved. You were blinded by your own love, and this is what made you an excellent target for manipulation and abuse.
Triangulation can be regarded as mediated communication in which one person mediates between two others. In order to manipulate their victim, the intermediary (usually a narcissist) will fabricate, alter, or falsify the information conveyed, usually involving some truth. There can be as many reasons why narcissists resort to triangulation as there are narcissists. But I’ll cover four of the most common narcissistic games and tricks and what motivates them.
1. Two with one blow.
The narcissist needs control, he craves adoration. To achieve this, he tells the partner like a third party. For example, a mutual friend, colleague, etc. – flirted with him. This stranger is brought into a relationship to hit two in one hit!
First, to cause jealousy and uncertainty in a partner and subtly hint: “We have no irreplaceable!” Unconsciously, the partner “tries to improve himself” in order to please the narcissist. To become irreplaceable for him.
Secondly, it creates the illusion of popularity and demand and sets the stage for competition between the two suppliers of the narcissistic resource. In this way, the narcissist not only “ties” the supplier to himself, but he also increases his control over him. The is one of the narcissistic games they usually use.
2. Recruiting supporters.
Another function of triangulation – the ability to control a partner by persuading him to agree with the narcissist’s point of view or to get the partner to satisfy the narcissistic needs – is to attract a third person as a follower, a supporter of the narcissist in bullying (intimidation). Narcissists try to control their partner’s opinions and beliefs. Resorting to the help of a third party to confirm their own opinion, who, of course, knows the situation exclusively from the narcissist’s words.
The narcissist must win and will use every person and all his tactical arsenal to gain the upper hand. The third party is usually unaware of this and “just tries to help” the narcissist. Usually, a relative or one of his female fans is assigned to this role, which the narcissist uses as a tool to persuade embarrass or envy a partner. Making him believe in the futility of his own actions and submit to the narcissist.
In emotionally healthy relationships, partners in a couple do not involve third parties or use intermediaries to resolve differences. They talk to each other. They do not use the power of someone else’s authority to influence a partner and force them to follow their instructions. Respect each other and their relationship, and if they cannot come to an agreement, they seek a competent, impartial third party such as a therapist or lawyer. But when it comes to narcissistic games, it’s different.
3. Separation.
This triangulation method involves playing off two people, with the narcissist working behind them to undermine their reputation (one or both at once). The narcissist uses this method either just for fun or to control information. Or to put himself in the spotlight and maintain his own impeccable image and look positive against the other two sides of the triangle.
Or he wants to be on the safe side, to present himself as a victim in a relationship when he feels that his partner is tired of his narcissistic games and cruelty. So he will turn one partner against another and set the stage for a smear campaign about his marriage. Usually, the role of supporter is chosen to be someone who, as the narcissist is sure, will always agree with him. Thus, he receives the support of a third party, portraying their partner as an abuser or “handicapped person.”
To prevent the supporter and the “bad partner” from communicating, the narcissist gives the partner distorted information that the supporter allegedly said about him and vice versa. This triangulation tactic also gives the narcissist a lot of power as he controls the flow of information and the interpretation of information. Everyone is locked into the narcissist rather than communicating with each other, which gives the narcissist a good dose of resources.
Emotionally healthy people do everything possible to ensure that peace and harmony are present in their lives. No normal person supports enmity or provokes chaos. Emotionally healthy people also do not take pleasure in spreading slanderous rumors about people behind their backs and do not share with people what others are saying about them.
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4. Rejection & disposal.
This triangulation tactic is used by the narcissist when he is about to end a relationship. Instead of talking to his partner about it, he tells other acquaintances so that they hear the story from his mouth in his interpretation. Sometimes he even attracts people who hardly know their partner, if at all.
The narcissist tells his partner about a conversation with strangers who agreed with him: the relationship is at an impasse. Most likely, one of these “confidants” will be the one who will replace the current partner. After breaking up, the narcissist will openly brag about how happy he is in the new relationship. And if the former partner begins to be jealous or follow the narcissist, the latter will enjoy a new version of the “love triangle” he created himself.
It goes without saying that emotionally healthy people do not tell third parties about such an important issue as ending a relationship without first discussing it with their partner. It also goes without saying that emotionally healthy people don’t brag about new partners right after starting a relationship because it confuses them and healthy people don’t start new relationships so quickly.
In judo, there is a technique in which the athlete strangles the opponent, grabbing his neck, arm, and legs – in shape. This grip is similar to the narcissistic games or a triangle. This technique cuts off the blood flow from the carotid artery to the brain, and the wrestler can faint or even die if left in the grip long enough. He must either get out of the triangular grip on his own, or the referee must stop the fight.
If you notice any worrying sign in your partner’s behavior, think about how to get out of the relationship. You may not be able to cope, but how great it is when toxic people leave our lives. And with them, anxiety, depression, and hopelessness go away!
Those were the narcissistic games that narcissists usually will play with you. Please, don’t forget to share this article with your friends and family.
Related: Things Narcissists Do When You Go No Contact…
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