If you know someone who behaves like a toxic narcissist, you probably have recognized that their seemingly unflappable personality, it’s pretty difficult to deal with, to say the very least. But did you know that there are a number of other things that the average narcissist is seriously afraid of? And that they hide these fears in order to avoid having them used against them?
It’s true, and that’s exactly what we’re talking about today, the narcissist’s biggest secret fears and exactly why they feel that way. So let’s get started.
Your average toxic narcissist might seem pretty fearless, but the truth is that they have a number of hidden secret fears, they just don’t want you to know about. Most narcissists want to appear invincible and untouchable. The exception is covert narcissists who purposely appear vulnerable as that’s kind of their standard operating mode.
But even they have a few fears that they hide from you, the reality is that all toxic narcissists have some deep dark fears and you might find yourself pretty surprised when you find out exactly what causes the narcissist heart to race. So what are the narcissist’s biggest fears.?
Here Are 8 Things Narcissists Fear Most & Secretly Don’t Want You to Know.
1. The narcissist fears their imperfections being exposed
You might be totally okay with other people knowing about your vulnerabilities, your imperfections, and that’s because you know you’re human, and you know that you’re not perfect. And maybe you can help someone else who’s dealing with the same kinds of issues you have, and having the same types of insecurities you’re suffering from.
The way to do that is by sharing that part of yourself with them, kind of how I share my stories here with you, but the narcissist will do anything they can to hide their imperfections. They know deep down they are far from perfect, not that any of us is perfect but that’s exactly why narcissists are so worried about their imperfections being exposed somehow because once that happens, that perfect image would become tarnished for good, which is something that narcissus want to avoid at all costs.
2. The narcissist fears embarrassment and public humiliation
Nobody wants to be embarrassed or humiliated in the public right, but for the narcissist, this is the worst possible thing that could and to them, even though this is often one of the ways that the narcissist will use to manipulate and control you.
In fact, if they’re worried that someone’s going to humiliate them or embarrass them in public, one way the narcissist will try to prevent this is to actually go out of their way to embarrass other people instead. And if they feel the least bit embarrassed, they will embarrass you even more whether or not you’re the one that actually caused the humiliation.
3. The narcissist fears rejection
They fear rejection like everyone else, but for narcissists, it’s different. Since they desperately require the narcissistic supply of their partners and everyone else’s admiration, they feel almost like they’re starving if they don’t get it. It’s a very important source of supply like blood to a vampire. They’re a deeply hidden sense of inferiority, and their secret sense of being unlovable drives them towards superficial attention and perceived acceptance from everyone around them.
Rejection would only highlight their need, their desperate need for supply. It would remind them that they are not the person they pretend to be and that they are not infected lovable at all. Despite the fact that narcissists obsessively attempt to make themselves appear untouchable, they secretly fear rejection when it comes to love, job seeking, or even social life. If a narcissist is rejected, they will display narcissistic rage because after all, you have triggered one of their worst fears by rejecting them.
4. Narcissists fear accurate criticism
If you’ve spent any amount of time with a narcissist, then you know exactly how blunt they can be and how painfully they will criticize you from everything. From your appearance to your thoughts, and your feelings, your ethics, and even your core values. It’s true that narcissists are all about dishing out criticism, but we all know they’re not so good at accepting it, constructive or otherwise.
If you’ve ever criticized a narcissist, chances are you’ve dealt with narcissistic rage and/or narcissistic injury, which is their natural response to criticism. First, they get angry, then they display narcissistic injury, This is followed by or in conjunction with a narcissistic flip where they turn your criticism around and find something to create sighs you four instead, then they’ll attack you, they’ll deflect your criticism, and they’ll find something to cut you down a few notches.
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5. Narcissus fear being exposed
While they’d like to appear to be perfect to the general public, most narcissists are secretly insecure and a little bit self-loathing. We know that the average toxic narcissist has a false self that acts as a mask to their true self, which is damaged and vulnerable.
For all of the bravado and grandiosity, the real person behind the narcissist mask is often insecure and desperate to be loved. Sadly since they’re so self-focused and only concerned about their own emotions, it’s really hard for narcissists to maintain a long-term mutually satisfying Relationship. And so when their true self comes through, anyone who isn’t actively already entrenched with that person will run the other way, especially if they’re emotionally healthy. So one of their biggest fears then is being found out, being seen for what they truly are.
6. Narcissus fear abandonment
As often as a narcissist threatens and directly or indirectly to abandon you, you would think that they were perfectly secure in their ability to remain surrounded by sources of narcissistic supply, as in people who love them, admire them, and serve them as needed. But the truth is that while abandonment is probably the most human fear one can have, narcissists are not immune to it.
In fact, if we’re being honest, they’re probably pretty normal this way, with that being said the difference between a narcissist fear of abandonment, and that of the average person is that a narcissist will actively abuse and manipulate the people around them in order to control them and keep them in their place.
7. The narcissist fears not being special
As you might have guessed by now, the narcissist’s biggest and most daunting fear is being seen as ordinary, or not special. Notice this is like to see themselves as different and better than everyone else. They think they’re above the law and they see themselves as deserving of special attention and treatment at all times. The idea that they might be anything other than absolutely extraordinary is almost devastating to them.
They want to be the smartest, or the richest, or the best-looking person they know. They need others to see them this way, and if you can’t do that, then that doesn’t allow them to stay inside their little narcissist bubble. Narcissists don’t want to be treated just as well as everyone else’s, they don’t want to be treated like everyone else at all, they want to be treated better than everyone else. But forcing them to acknowledge this or even just actively treating them like everyone else will make them feel attacked and demeaned.
8. Narcissists are so afraid of your self respect
One of their biggest secrets, and incidentally one of their most intense secret fears is the idea that you might develop self-respect, and Learn, or remember that you’re someone who has value. When you do develop or redevelop self-respect, you’re going to quickly learn and that you deserve to be treated with respect.
You’ll start setting boundaries, and you’ll stop taking their crap, this, of course, can lead to all the other fears coming to the surface. Their imperfections will be exposed, they’ll be rejected, which will lead to embarrassment, and being found out, and ultimately abandonment, which means they’ll definitely be ordinary.
Bottom line, narcissists have some pretty deep fears and they would never knowingly let anyone see or know about them, and that’s because letting anyone see their fears would trigger shame, and shame is one more thing that narcissists fear.
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