It’s not uncommon for only one of the spouses to have a desire to divorce, and for no apparent reason. Then the other half tries to figure out what went wrong in their relationship. Recently, family coaches from the UK spoke about seemingly innocent habits that can put a marriage at risk. According to government stats from the CDC, America averages one divorce every 38 seconds. That’s roughly 2,420 divorces each day, 16,900 divorces every week, and 878,000 divorces per year.
Experts in the field of relationships and family life – India Kang and Arnie Krogh – named the habits of men and women that especially annoy the chosen ones. In their opinion, it is these habits that most often lead to divorce.
So, what are the ” reasons for divorce”?? And how we can stop this epidemic of broken marriages? To bring it closer to home, how should you protect your marriage? And do you really realize the ”effects of divorce”? I am convinced that if you will avoid these 12 common bad “habits,” you will be well on your way to beating the ” divorce statistics ” and creating a happy and healthy marriage that will endure through every season of life. If you think your marriage might be heading for divorce, please do not lose hope!.
The top 12 bad habits that lead to divorce are (in no particular order)…
1. Constant Criticism Can Lead to Divorce.
When you get a warning light on your car’s dashboard, it means there’s something wrong under the hood that needs immediate attention. One of the biggest “warning lights” in a marriage is a tone of constant criticism. When a wife and husband start being each other’s biggest critics instead of the biggest encouragers and when they start focusing only on the negative instead of something positive, it creates a downward spiral that often is one of the very bad habits that lead to divorce.
#2 is something many couples do once they get married, but they do not realize they’re just preparing themselves for divorce…
2. Dividing Everything Into “Hers” and “His” Can Lead to Divorce.
When a wife and husband have separate hobbies, separate bank accounts, separate dreams, and separate friends, they’re running the risk of creating completely separate lives. Marriage is about combining; divorce is about dividing. The more you can share together, the stronger and healthier your marriage will be.
#3 is the reason there’s an epidemic of divorce among couples who have been married for more than 20 years…
3. Putting the Marriage “On Hold” While Raising Kids may Lead to Divorce.
I’ve seen too many marriages fall apart because two well-meaning people put so much focus on their kids that they forgot to keep investing in the marriage. Some spouses reduce their relationship to a partnership in co-parenting, and when the kids finally grow up, they find out that they have created an empty nest and an empty marriage. Give your kids the gift that comes from seeing their parents in a loving, thriving, and healthy marriage. Model the kind of marriage that will make your children excited to be married someday.
#4 might be the most common and dangerous habits that lead to divorce on the list…
4. Giving Each Other Your “Leftovers” Can Lead to Divorce.
Some married couples have what I call a “cable company marriage.” Have you ever noticed how Cable TV companies seem to offer you their very best deals and service at the beginning of the relationship but then after the “introductory period” is over, they give you as little as possible to still keep you around? Some couples were great at giving their best at the beginning of their relationship, but over time, they start giving each other the leftovers. Strive to keep giving your best to your spouse. Grow deeper in your love, respect, and your friendship through all the seasons of a good and healthy marriage.
#5 is really toxic and when it happens, neither spouse is going to have happiness or peace…
5. Holding Grudges and “Keeping Score” Can Lead to Divorce.
If you’ve been married longer than 20 minutes, chances are good that your spouse has done something to offend you and you’ve done something to offend her/him. When our actions or words cause harm, we must be quick to admit fault and ask forgiveness. When your partner has wronged you, you have to offer grace quickly so that trust can start being rebuilt again and there’s no room for bitterness to take root in your heart. Do not use past hurts as ammunition in arguments. Let grace flow freely in your marriage. No marriage can survive without it.
6# reveals the worst place marriage advice comes from…
6. Trusting Your “Feelings” More Than Your Commitments Can Be the worst Habits That Lead to Divorce.
There will be days when you might not “feel” like being married, but feelings are fickle and they were never intended to be our primary advisor in big decisions. “Feelings” often lead people into adultery. The healthiest married couples have discovered that love is a commitment; not just a feeling. Their commitment to each other perseveres regardless of what they’re feeling. The strength of that commitment allows them to have a deeper intimacy, a happier marriage, and a stronger connection.
7# happens with pride replaces thoughtfulness in the relationship…
7. Making Decisions Without Consulting Your Spouse may Lead to Divorce.
Our pride can convince us that we do not have to answer to anyone, and we should be able to make decisions without consulting anyone. Pride has been the downfall of too many marriages. The healthiest married couples have learned that EVERY decision they make as individuals will have some level of impact on each other, so they respectfully and thoughtfully consult each other in every decision.
8# frustrates BOTH spouses, but doesn’t help either one of them…
8. Trying to Change Each Other Can Be the Habits That Lead to Divorce.
When you try to “change” your couple, you will BOTH end up frustrated. As you have probably learned already, you can not change each other; you can only love each other. The only part of your marriage you have the power to change is what you see when you look in the mirror. Be willing to change your responses to your spouse’s behavior. Look for ways to serve and love each other even when you have differences of perspective or preference. You will both probably end up “changing” for the better in the process.
9# is the biggest single step toward an eventual divorce…
9. Planning an Exit Strategy.
The healthiest married couples have removed the “D-Word” (Divorce) from their vocabularies.
More Habits That Lead to Divorce…
When we threaten divorce ( uncontested divorce ) or when we silently start fantasizing about life with someone new, we are ripping apart the foundation of our marriage. The couples who make it work aren’t the ones who never had a reason to get divorced; they’re simply the ones whose commitment to each other was always bigger than their differences and flaws.
10# doesn’t necessarily involve sex, but it’s still an act of infidelity…
10. Hiding the Fact That You are Married may Lead to Divorce.
If you are intentionally hiding your status as a married person or you’re projecting “availability” through flirting, acting single around your single friends or at bars, slipping off a wedding ring,… etc., then you’re WAY out of bounds. Those subtle acts of deceit are forms of infidelity even if they never lead to a sexual affair.
#11 is EVERYWHERE, and it’s having a tragic impact on marriages.
11. Seeing Porn, Erotica, or Graphic Romance Novels as “Harmless Entertainment” Can Lead to Divorce.
When you’re acting out sexual fantasy apart from your spouse, it’s an act of mental infidelity. All true intimacy and all infidelity begin in the mind; not in the bedroom. If your eyes and your thoughts are wandering away from your spouse, then your heart is going to follow. Two thousand years ago, Jesus taught that “to look at a woman lustfully is to commit adultery with her in your heart.” Don’t just be physically monogamous. Strive to be mentally monogamous.
12. Selfishness Can Lead to Divorce.
We are ALL selfish by nature, but a marriage can only work when we put our selfishness aside and put the needs of our couple ahead of our own needs. When BOTH couples are willingly to selflessly love and serve each other in this way, the marriage will thrive. The hard part is that YOU have to be willing to go first and be selfless even in those moments when he/she is not reciprocating. Your actions might turn the tide. Choose to be a THERMOSTAT; not a thermometer. A thermometer always adjusts to the climate in a room, but the thermostat CHANGES the climate in the room. Be the change. You probably have more influence than you think!
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