In today’s topic, we are going to discuss the 8 Questions A Narcissist Simply Cannot Answer.
As you invest in your primary relationships, there are certain basics that you want to maintain so that the relationship can have the deepest level of reward for you. And it can be something that can actually bring out the very best in who you are, and who those in front of you will want to be.
And among those healthy characteristics are things like openness, mutual curiosity about one another, and a sense of accountability.
You want to have a sense of teamwork that says, I want to share with you who I am. I want to know who you are. And so we can put our resources together and encourage each other. And stimulate each other as the days, weeks, months, and years go by. That’s how healthy relationships work.
Now, let’s throw the narcissist into the mix. And then, here comes the one that’s going to gunk up all those good kinds of ingredients. Narcissists don’t want to have this sense of teamwork. They want you to be on their team but what that means to them is they want you to be subordinate to them.
And so narcissists carefully construct their own narrative where they’re the hero. They’re the winner. The one that knows the best, and so you don’t get honesty from them.
They don’t want you to think that they’re part of the group. They have to be a little bit above the rest of the group. So self-revelation is not something they’re comfortable with at all. They’re very calculated. And they’re always going for an angle.
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So that said, there are certain things that you will not access inside that person. And I’ve constructed here eight-characters. Eight questions that a narcissist simply cannot answer because it would require them to have a sense of honesty that just doesn’t exist on the inside.
I’m going to go through these eight questions, and I want you to think of this as something that you encounter with some of the narcissists in your life.
1. What are some of your deepest hurts?
If you were to ask a narcissist that question, they would just look at you like, why would you ask a stupid question like that? I don’t have hurts. I mean sometimes they may actually say you know these people over here. They weren’t very good. Or these people over here, I didn’t like the way they handle it.
But then, what they do is they’ll say that doesn’t bother me. It’s just their problem, and so they don’t admit that they struggle, or they’ve had strain and tension they blame. But at the end of it all, they have to come out looking like, I’m strong. I’m better than all that, you may have hurts, but I don’t.
Then, when you think you don’t have any hurts, why are you so mean? Or why are you so caustic? Or why are you so rude to other individuals?
You had to learn there from somewhere, and they don’t understand that illustrates that they’ve been on the receiving end of some improper treatment. But their notion is the way that I show that I’m strong. I won’t admit it. I’m above all that kind of stuff. The rest of you have Weaknesses.
But in healthy relationships, we understand admitting weaknesses is a strength that’s something that’s lost on the narcissist.
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2. Why is it so difficult for you to admit flaws and mistakes?
Whenever the narcissist blunders or makes mistakes, and we all do, rather than saying that I didn’t go out very well, and I miscalculated that or did I just see that in a wrong kind of light, I’m so sorry. they can’t do that.
They can blame if the mistake is so obvious that you just have to acknowledge the fact that something didn’t go right. They’ll just say, well, it was your fault, it certainly wasn’t mine.
Narcissists have such a thick wall of defensiveness around them that you will not get to know them, and admitting flaws. And talking about their mistakes is highly threatening to them because it means that they’re a regular person. It’s like no, you’re not going to know me as a regular person.
3. Why do you feel the need to impress strangers?
The third question and this one may make you think, oh yeah, I see this one, and that is: Why do you feel the need to impress Strangers?
When I’m around strangers, or you’re around strangers or people that you don’t know very well, you certainly want to be friendly and pleasant. But narcissists when they see people that don’t know them very well, they’re thinking, this is a blank slate here, and I get to write whatever story I want to write.
And so the strangers represent shallowness and superficiality in the sense that they just don’t know what they don’t know. So the narcissists can think well, I’m going to let you know how terrific I am, and so they can make up all sorts of stories, or embellish how wonderful they are.
They’re fishing for admiration. So when they have somebody that doesn’t have the advantage of knowing some of behind the scenes stuff, it’s Like, I’ll get admiration from them. They’ll walk away thinking, what a really nice person, when in fact, it’s all phony.
True affirmation, love, and encouragement come as we know each other’s fullness, pluses, and minuses, not just the superficial stuff. That’s another truth that’s lost on the narcissist.
4. Why do my differences threaten you so much?
If you interpret things differently, or if you have a different emotional reaction, or if you have a different preference, it’s like, why are you doing this to me? It threatens them. It’s because they have no empathy. They have no notion that other people have.
And empathy means that you’re willing to see life from another person’s perspective. And it’s like, I don’t have any curiosity about you, how you think and how you feel, and I have no desire for another perspective.
So it’s, of course, my differentness threatens them. In the sense that it says, you’re not the center of the universe. At this moment, it’s like, oh yes, I am. And so their lack of interest in you reflects their need to be the center of attention at all times.
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5. Do you honestly believe your opinions cancel out the validity of others’ opinions?
There are so many different topics and subjects that arouse varying opinions. And it could be big stuff like politics and Religion. I mean, those are topics we can talk about all day long and have very different thoughts about it. But it can be some simple things like, what you like to do for entertainment? Or where you want to go on your vacation?
They have an opinion about everything. And rather than saying, well, here’s my opinion, what’s yours? It’s like no, I don’t want to know your opinion, and so in their mind, it’s like, there’s the only one that matters, and it’s me.
They honestly do believe they’ve got such a high and lofty notion about how life is supposed to be. It’s like, well if you have something that’s different, it’s just probably irrelevant.
6. In what ways do you need to grow and change?
There are a lot of people that ask particularly when you get to know people, and if you really want to know if they’re sincere or not, ask them this question, In what ways do you need to grow and change? And the narcissist is thinking, well, you know, I could probably have a nicer house, or I could probably make more money or something like that, but it’s like grow, change, I don’t need to grow and change.
And again, they have to have such a tightly sculpted image that they have out there to suggest that they need to grow, and change implies that they’re not a complete person and it illustrates that they live with a hidden shame. You know, to suggest that you need to grow means you don’t have it all together, and to them, it’s like, oh that’s the worst thing possible. They can’t answer that question.
7. If I make you feel so frustrated why do you keep coming back?
Sometimes the narcissist will just say, get out of here. Forget it. I can’t stand you. But they can have a lot of anger, strain, and tension. And when you just think, man, they’ve just so expended all of that emotion at my expense. They never want to be around me. They keep coming back. And they keep criticizing you. Why do they do that?
And the answer is, it makes them feel superior. And then, every time you gripe, whine, and complain, it’s like that feeds them. That’s their supply. It’s like well, you need me around to just keep you straight, and it just makes me feel like, I’m that much better.
Conflict, strain, and tension actually allow them to enter into their fake place of superiority.
8. Why do you go silent?
Sometimes, in their ways of dealing with you. They’ll just kind of give you the silent treatment, and they just ignore you. Or they’ll pull back and they’ll withdraw, they keep secrets, they don’t let you know what’s going on, and it’s all part of their fear.
Of course, and it’s all illustrates that they can have propensities towards passive-aggressive anger, they get their anger out, but with the least amount of vulnerability.
So those are some questions that a narcissist just simply can’t answer. They can’t be open. They can’t access the interior of themselves.
Now, I’m hoping that as you observe these kinds of things that you’ll have an entirely different mindset that you can draw upon.
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Read more: Narcissist Mind Games | 10 MIND GAMES Played By The Narcissist
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