Many couples, whether married or not, want to live like in that fairy tale – “happily ever after and die in one day.” But, alas, the reality is much more complicated. Because having a successful and happy relationship is very challenging.
Today, divorce is an absolutely common thing and does not surprise anyone. But sometimes you look at a couple, and they, even at 60 holds on to their hands, their eyes shine, whispering about something constantly. I just want to learn from them the secrets of a happy relationship in order to live the same way.
“The happiest relationships are based on two skills: finding common ground and respecting differences.”
“A wonderful relationship is not because you loved each other incredibly in the beginning, but because you love each other more every year,”
Love is magical. It’s happiness. Love is the greatest gift that we can receive in this life … But it can also cause a great many troubles. Relationships with loved ones can be really difficult and require a lot of energy and patience.
So what if we want to build strong and happy relationships?
This article, in particular, are the six secrets to a happy relationship. And I think that everyone can see the value in these.
Secret #1: Unconditional love is just a fancy word for acceptance.
When we accept our partners, that means that we don’t necessarily always have to love their behavior, their perspectives, or their attitudes about certain things. And in many relationships those differences quickly become tests.
How quickly can I have him evolve his perspective? How quickly can I have him abandon that behavior? And that now all of a sudden creates a very combative environment, now it’s me versus him. We become opponents and not teammates.
Unconditional love which put in every fortune cookie in the world, it’s just a fancy way of saying, ” accept him, accept her, accept the differences. Accept that you might not always be Aligned. Accept that their behaviors fluctuate, accept the good, and accept the bad.
That’s what unconditional love looks like, and that is a key component to a healthy and happy relationship.
Secret #2: Don’t take things Personally.
That’s a really big one. And it kind of bleeds into secret number one. Because sometimes when our partner has bad behavior or does something that we don’t like, and we insist that they change and they don’t, we somehow personalize it.
He doesn’t change because I’m not good enough. He doesn’t change because I’m not the one. And all of a sudden his difference or her difference is somehow about me, and that’s not necessarily true. So don’t take things personally.
If he or she is in a bad mood, if they come back from work stressed out, help them find ways to manage their stress rather than personalizing their stress.
Finding ways to help your partner manage their stress rather than personalizing their stress is a big secret that sustaining happiness and love.
Secret #3: Knowing the appropriate time to talk about conflict.
This is something that also is really challenging in a breakup because we’re pissed, or something happens and we don’t like it, and we want to talk about it right now. Or in the middle of an argument, we decide is the appropriate time to talk about something that bothered us months ago. And before we know it, what was once a little disagreement is now a fuming argument, and we’re not on speaking terms. And this is as true in a breakup as it is in a relationship timing.
Knowing when to talk about things that are on your mind is essential to a happy long-term relationship. It’s essential to talk about things that bother you when you’re no longer actively angry about them.
If you’re having a moment let the steam exit the potty and take a run. Take a walk, take a nap, read a book, hang out with a friend. Get out of the house, do what you got to do to kind of come back to ground zero of your emotions. And wait even a day or a couple of days later to say: ” Hey listen, you know the other night we got into a bit of an argument, and at the time I was really hurt because of the X Y & Z thing, and I’d like to know what your feedback on that is.”
Create a conversation and not a monologue about why they screwed up. Approach the conflict from a stance of curiosity rather than from control. Instead of saying you need to fix this, you ask what are your thoughts on how that made me feel. Get honest feedback. Know the way your partner’s mind works. And this is an open book test and making him happy, making her happy. Making this last becomes a lot less work and a lot and a lot more intuitive.
A book: Anxiety Disorders In Women – The Ultimate Resource Guide
Secret #4: Don’t forget the little things that charm your partner’s heart.
We get bored with those. We stop investing in those. Let’s say you once always left him his favorite chocolate in the fridge and now the fridge is empty. No chocolate, no nothing. Or maybe you knew that she loved flowers and you would bring her flowers. Now no flowers, everything’s done, nobody’s happy.
Commit to those teeny tiny little moments that charm your partner. That element of romance is so significant. And as women were such emotional connectors so that emotional nourishment and feeling that sense of, can be very important for us.
A lot of people with avoidant attachment styles may not indulge in those romantic things as much. And I invite you to use that as a growing exercise if you are an avoidant. And I also invite you to tap into what attachment styles are after reading this article.
If you’d like to learn more and understand the way we love and the way we receive love in that same breath, I recommend you to read the book ” The 5 love languages by Gary Chapman”. It’s essential if you’re looking for the specific things that you can do to charm your partner’s heart.
Know their love languages. Invest time into them. Invest even if it’s just an instant every week to show them that you love them. It never gets old. It’s always tender, always sweet, it’s always important, and it’s a huge secret to a long-term happy relationship.
Secret #5: A happy relationship is a balanced relationship.
The balance of power is a brief recap that existed in every single relationship. And it’s kind of how the power between two people EPS and flows back and forth. One day you might have a lot of power. The next day they might have a lot of the power.
The balance of power is huge. It’s a trick, it’s the secret sauce to a long-term healthy relationship. Making sure that you’re feeling validated, making sure that they’re feeling validated. Making sure that you give and receive the love that they Give.
Balance is huge that also means be mindful of insecurities. Be mindful of neediness smothering your partner, be mindful of negligence ignoring your partner. Those big neediness and negligence are on the opposite sides of the spectrum and they top all the balance of power and that directly impacts, feeling stable and safe.
The less balanced that is, the more unsafe we feel. The less we’re willing to trust the foundation of the relationship and before we know it whether we intend to or not, we’ve got one foot in and one foot out of our own damn relationships. And once we got one foot in one foot out, the rest starts to get uneasy.
Be mindful of the balance you can manage it. Go to those articles if you have no idea what I’m talking about but it is important. It is certainly a secret worth researching and investing.
Secret #6: Freedom.
Is essential that your partner feels free to be themselves and that you feel free to be yourself. And that you both pursue your individual goals and dreams all the time.
A new relationship, a 20-year relationship, the same principle. Freedom is essential. Never underestimate the power of you investing in yourself and allowing your partner the opportunity to invest in themselves.
Clients who focus on their independent endeavors, see better long-term results. They feel more loved. They’re able to give more love. They feel connected to themselves, which consequently positions them to feel more connected to their partners. So I invite you to be really mindful of that. And I think if you’re willing to take some time to love you and to focus on you every week, you are helping your relationship.
Stay healthy and alive because as I mentioned in so many articles, you are 50% of this thing. And if you’re 50% needs effort, and TLC and the overall 100 percent are suffering. The overall relationship starts to crumble if you aren’t feeling good in your own skin.
So I would definitely take some time, this week, next weekend, moving forward just to invest in you. Indulge in your freedom, and allow your partner to do the same.
And these six secrets, I’m confident that if you apply them, you’re going to see the results that you’re looking for. You’re going to establish, nourish, and maintain the best relationship. And that’s what you deserve. And that’s what your partner deserves.
Those were the Secrets to a Successful And Happy Relationship for you today. Please, do not forget to share this article with your friends and family.
Read more: Why Do So Many Relationships suddenly Go Bad?
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