How To Heal After A Breakup With A Narcissist

Today we are going to talk about How To Heal After A Breakup With A Narcissist by offering you the 5 ways to heal from narcissistic relationships.

I know we have talked about being in a relationship with a narcissist. How to know if our parent is a narcissist, and so much more about narcissism. But what you keep asking me for is to talk about How To Heal After A Breakup With A Narcissist. From the abuse, we sustained from those relationships. So that’s what we’re gonna do today.

if you didn’t know. Being in any type of relationship with a narcissist means that we could have been gaslit, manipulated, put down, and made to think that any bad thing that was happening was our fault. And that’s just to name a few of the ways we could have been harmed. Obviously, this type of abuse can leave us wondering, what happened? Thinking where to blame and possibly struggling to know who we are. And it leaves us feeling traumatized.

The best way to move past this and begin to heal is to go with limited or no contact with the narcissist. I know that can be hard and we can feel really bad about doing it. But remember all the situations where they lied, manipulated, or neglected you, and stay the course. It does get easier with time.

Now regardless of what our relationship was like, or the amount of abuse we were exposed to. I want to offer five ways that we can heal and get our life back after ending the unhealthy relationship.

How To Heal After A Breakup With A Narcissist?

1. Acknowledging that the abuse happened.

When we’ve been gaslit or manipulated for a while, we can start to believe that we made all the abuse up or that it was our fault that it even happened. We can even think that we were just exaggerating things or being too sensitive.

Whatever we were told by the abuser can start to slowly weigh on us. And we can begin to agree with them and end up internalizing it. Meaning that we accept it as fact. Or like thinking that it’s our own belief by acknowledging that it was abuse, that we sustained. We not only shed light on what happened but also recognize that how we felt originally was correct.

One way to start acknowledging the abuse is to journal about our past experiences. Talk about what happened, what we remember, what they said to us about it. And then, talk about this in therapy. Sometimes, if we write things out, as we remember, and then talk to someone and talk them through it, we can recall certain parts of the situation that were hurtful, abusive, or even manipulative.

Your therapist can help shine a light on some of that. But in my experience, even telling someone out loud what happened, gives us another perspective. And while we can second guess if we’re remembering it right, we will start to see that maybe we weren’t fully to blame, or it’s possible that it didn’t happen the way that they said it did.

A book: Anxiety Disorders In Women – The Ultimate Resource Guide

This entire process can help us validate our feelings and experiences. And hopefully, help us see outside of the abuse and lies that we were told.

I know it’s hard. But keep writing, thinking, and talking about it because remember hurtful and abusive things only grow stronger in the dark and secret. Shedding light on them and speaking about them out loud, ’causes them to lose their power. It’s really hard at first, but trust me when I tell you that it is so freeing and healing.

2. Grieve the loss.

Next, we have to grieve or mourn the loss. And I know this may sound crazy, but even abusive relationships are still relationships. And when they’re gone or lost, we can feel really sad about it. People assume that just because abuse took place, we must hate them or be angry. But often, we just feel sad. We miss them. And maybe we still love them.

Even though we know that it’s best that we aren’t together in a relationship and ignoring these feelings, isn’t gonna make us feel any better. But allowing ourselves to feel the loss and grieve all that we had hoped the relationship could be, is helpful.

Not to mention that narcissists can love to bomb us, which can make us feel intensely cared about and loved. We can get overwhelmed by the amount of attention and affection they’re showing us. And we can start imagining just how wonderful of a love story or friendship this is gonna be.

All of these dreams and beliefs that we had, need to be grieved. So know that it’s okay to miss them, wish things were different, and still love them. Just don’t forget why it ended and that you are better off without them, and the abuse that they come along with. We could also maybe need to grieve the loss of who we were before the abuse happened.

Many of my patients have felt like something was taken from them when they were abused, and they hate that it’s tainted the way that they look at the world and relationships in general. Allow yourself the time to grieve that. Recognize what you’ve lost. And consider if there are ways that you can get that back. And if not, a process that loss and upset.

I know this part is really hard, and we can want to run away from all that we feel. But trust me when I tell you it’s actually better for us. If we let the grief come on and have our therapist support us through it, rather than stuffing it down and having it pop up later when we’re maybe dealing with something else.

Overall, I just want you to know that however you feel during this time, it’s okay, this is your recovery process. And it’s okay to feel a whole mix of emotions about it.

3. Break past patterns.

The third step is to break past patterns. And I know, easier said than done. But in order for us to not get back into another abusive relationship or ended up meshed with someone, later on, we’re gonna have to break those patterns now. And the first part of this is to start recognizing some of the patterns of behavior that we have in our relationships.

This could be us recognizing our struggle to place and uphold boundaries with others, or maybe our constant need for approval. It can even be our difficulty in admitting when a relationship isn’t good. And we keep hoping that they’ll prove us wrong and we give them way more chances than they deserve. While we try to figure out these patterns, know that it’s okay to need to lean on our therapist for guidance with this. It can be hard to know what’s healthy or not when we’ve been under a narcissist spell for so long.

So let them help you figure out what you’re doing as a result of the past abuse and guide you towards a healthier way of having relationships. It will be uncomfortable at first but know that when we’ve been in an abusive relationship for a long time, it’s best that we’re a little bit uncomfortable. Doing this takes time, but it’s important and can help keep us out of another harmful relationship.

And I do believe that it’s best to do this work when we’re single and not starting any new relationships, whether that be friendships or romantic ones. It allows us to see things more clearly when we’re single and make better decisions early on in those relationships.

4. Heal from the trauma.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but narcissistic abuse is a traumatic experience. When someone we care about hurts us physically, emotionally, or sexually, it is going to take time and effort to process through what happened and heal from it.

Finding a mental health professional to help us put what happened into a timeline or story as well as help us talk it through and validate all we felt and went through is really important right now. And I know it’s hard work and it can feel slow and be really frustrating at times, but stick with it. Whether it’s adding on EMDR, trauma-focused CBT, schema therapy, or any other style of trauma therapy, get in it and keep at it because, with proper support, it can and will get better.

5. Reclaim yourself.

And finally, reclaim yourself. Being ourselves wasn’t allowed for so long but it can take us some time to figure out who we are without someone else calling all the shots. It’s finally okay to do what we want. Say no to things we are interested in and just be us. And that can be hard at first. We may not know who we are or what we want.

Talk this out with your therapist, try new things, and push yourself to start making small decisions. Maybe like what or where to eat. Don’t ask anyone else for their input, make that decision on your own. And making these small decisions will help build up our confidence, make us feel good about what we’re doing, and slowly but surely we can begin making bigger decisions without anyone else’s say so. And before we know it, we’ll have a better idea of what we like and don’t like have experiences to support those beliefs, and start to get to know ourselves in an honest and loving way.

I know it’s hard to break free from an abusive relationship and narcissistic ones can be particularly difficult, especially because they try to tell us that we’re to blame, gaslight us so that we don’t think we can trust our own memories or thoughts, and they never apologize for what they’ve done. But give these tips of try, continue to go limited or no contact with the narcissist. And trust me when I tell you that your life will get better.