There are so many things narcissists do when you go no contact.
When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, everything’s always about the narcissist. Isn’t it? It’s confusing and exhausting. And when you finally get it together, and you get out of there, or unfortunately they leave you, either way, you start feeling like -Oh! my gosh, I’m finally gonna be able to take the steps I need to really get my life in order and make it what I want to be. Right?
But no – narcissists don’t allow that to happen, not very easily anyway. So I realize this is kind of an exciting or upsetting time, depending on whether you left or they left you. But it’s also a dangerous time because – you can certainly begin your life over again and really get things to become what you want them to be.
It’s also really important to be aware and to prepare for the things narcissists do when you go no contact, or that might be coming down the road when you break up with or divorce a narcissist.
In addition to the normal ups and downs of divorce or breakups, you’re dealing with an emotional manipulator. You’re dealing with someone who absolutely has no qualms about breaking your heart, stomping on your feelings, again and again, and shocking you almost every time.
But here’s the good news my friend. If you take the time to understand how all that works, understand the patterns, understand the behaviors, and know what to expect, you might get through it a little easier. That’s exactly what we’re talking about in today’s article. So let’s get started.
We’re gonna start off talking today about the no-contact, non-negotiables.
Basically, what that comes down to is that when you go no contact with a narcissist, you end all contact with that person, and you do this by:
- You stop taking the narcissist’s phone calls.
- Block them on social media networks.
- You do not encourage or schedule visits with them.
- Stop seeing, speaking to, and otherwise interacting with the narcissist.
Now if you have children together, this might be slightly different. You may end up doing what they call Parallel Parenting and low contact, which means you only engage with the narcissist in regard to your children and the business of raising them, or picking up, or dropping them off. You don’t engage on any emotional level.
So what exactly are some things you can expect from a narcissist after no contact? Or more specifically, what are the things narcissists do when you go no contact? Well, let’s talk about it.
10 Things Narcissists Do When You Go No Contact:
1. They hoover.
Narcissists love to suck you back in. And you’re thinking, well, they don’t even want me. They made it real clear to me or they’re already doing this or that, it doesn’t matter. They’re gonna suck you back in, even if they’ve moved on, or they’ve gotten remarried, or they’re dating a new person now. They will still hoover you for years if you allow them to.
So they’re gonna do whatever they can to pull you back into their drama. And if you have been previously romantically involved with them, back into their bed.
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2. You’re gonna have to worry about obsessing.
Now, this is gonna happen on your end. Of course, you’re gonna obsess about what could I have done better. What can I change? what could I do better next time? how do I watch for the red flags? You’re gonna go through that. But the narcissist is going to obsess about you. That’s what’s gonna happen usually before the hoover phase or before the smear campaign.
What’s gonna happen is that the narcissist is going to tell a lot of stories to try to get sympathy and attention. And often, in order to bring in a new supply, whether it’s, another romantic partner, a parent, a friend, or it’s someone else, they’re gonna need someone else to get their supply from.
3. They run the smear campaign.
My advice here is don’t sit around and focus too long on analyzing the narcissist’s behavior. Don’t focus too long on letting the narcissist be connected to you after the break-up because the more access you give them, the less likely they are to go away and move on.
This is where they walk around, and they tell everybody they know what a horrible person you are, and how you hurt them. And often, they project their own bad behaviors onto you. So if they were cheating, they tell everybody you were cheating. If they were beating the crap out of you every day, they tell everybody you were beating the crap out of them every day, and this goes on and on.
People start to believe the narcissist and pretty soon you know who your real friends are because your real friends would never believe those things about you. But strangers and people who are acquaintances and sometimes people you thought were your friends will believe the narcissist and take the narcissist’s side. And that is rough stuff, but it happens. And I guess on the positive side, at least, you know who your real friends are.
4. Smear campaign
Narcissists don’t go quietly. So they’re gonna smear campaign you, and then they’re gonna tell everybody and they’re gonna game-play you. They’re gonna do everything they can to really impact your life in a negative way most of the time.
They will abuse you to the point where psychological wounds become increasingly serious. It’s common. And sometimes it’s worse. Sometimes they go so far as to physically abuse you, where they didn’t before.
So be aware of this and keep yourself safe. Don’t be afraid to call the police if they show up at your house in the middle of the night or something.
5. Narcissists are all about winning.
They don’t care if your kids are negatively affected. And they don’t care if they lose everything in the process. They just want to win the relationship. They need to be validated, they need to be proven right. They’ll fight you for custody, even if they don’t want the kids. They will try to keep the house, even if they know they don’t want the house. They’re just gonna move out of it, or they’re gonna sell it.
The truth of what really happened between the two of you will only come out of your mouth if it comes out of anyone. Because the narcissist cannot ever even admit the truth to him or herself. You have to remember, narcissists have no empathy.
So they don’t care how they’re making you feel, and above all, they just want to win. And as always, they don’t give a crap about the consequences of their own behavior because they don’t accept responsibility. Narcissists are gonna do their very best to make you play the game with them.
6. Narcissists want to keep playing the game and they’re gonna do everything they can to just suck you into it.
It does not matter how the break-up happened. And it doesn’t matter where the divorce came from. It doesn’t matter if they literally left you for another person or if you literally walked in on them having sex with your best friend on your bed in your house. It doesn’t matter because they will be like: ” I’m the victim.”
They will walk around telling everyone as I said in number 3 – smear campaigning, that’s how they roll. They will say things to you like, why are you doing this to me? And inevitably, you will be the one wearing the big red blame sticker.
Of course, any time you try to address any issues, you think to yourself: okay, well, maybe we can work it out, maybe they understand now. You try to address those issues and the narcissist inevitably will flip it all back around.
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As soon as they begin to feel uncomfortable, they start pointing out things that are wrong with you. You become the problem. And then, they say things to you like: well, I’ll do that if you promise that you will never, ever again leave trash in the kitchen or whatever. They start picking at tiny things and pulling you apart and looking for ways to make it about them being the victim and not you.
And they’re flying monkeys sometimes, especially those willing flying monkeys, will come in with them on this and play this game. This is seen a lot of times with a narcissistic mother. When a narcissistic mother has a golden child and the golden child gets married and is a narcissist. This type of dynamic is often seen with the two of them ganging up on the victim or the supply during the divorce.
7.The I still wanna be friends game is most often played by narcissist.
Basically, according to a study done at Oakland University, people who want to be friends after they break up tend to be those of the darker personality traits like narcissists and psychopaths.
Sociopaths are more likely to choose friends for strategic reasons as opposed to just being friends and that they prefer short-term relationships.
8. Abusive narcissists are very commonly doing no-contact or silent treatment things.
Whether they recognize it consciously or not, narcissists are sort of wired to push your buttons in order to get what they want. These are exactly the things narcissists do when you go no contact.
9. We’re going to talk about the narcissistic world.
So let me just define what I mean by the narcissistic world. It’s when a narcissist goes up and down, hot and cold, and sometimes it’s almost like they’re tagging in their nicer twin or their more emotional self.
10. Stalking.
Some narcissists, especially those on the higher end of the scale tend to stalk us when we leave or even when they leave us. I hear this from viewers, readers, and clients regularly.
Those were the things narcissists do when you go no contact. Don’t forget to share this article with your friends.
Read more: Things NEVER To Do with A Narcissist
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