Things NEVER To Do with A Narcissist

Today’s topic is about the top things you should never do with a narcissist. If you try, analyze, or relate to a narcissist as you would any other normal person, you’re going to be in trouble. Narcissists are not normal people. And understanding that is usually pretty difficult for highly empathetic people as most targets and victims of narcissistic abuse will be.

And what makes things even more difficult is the fact that most narcissists are such proficient liars. They have such an incredible ability to manipulate our empathy and compassion. They are masters at downplaying their behavior and rationalizing their behavior in such a manner that it confuses us and makes us pity them.

So here are my top ten things not to ever do with a narcissist.

1. Do not minimize their dysfunctional behaviour.

When you’re in love with someone or when you think you’re in love with someone, especially when you are in a relationship with a narcissist, it will be appealing to want to downplay their abusive behaviors. We make all kinds of excuses for how selfish and cruel they are because it makes us feel better and makes us feel like what they are doing is somehow not as bad as it actually is.

We will be inclined to tell ourselves all kinds of things to try and minimize the abuse like he or she didn’t really mean it as they said it, or it sounds worse than it actually is. One of my all-time favorites was, oh well, his bark is worse than his bite. We might tell ourselves that he or she only raged because they’re under so much stress from work or had X Y & Z not happened, he or she wouldn’t have reacted that way.

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There are just a million different ways that we can do this. We can minimize their dysfunctional behavior, and over time, victims usually become fatigued and numb about their abuse because it happens so often that we just have gotten used to it, and that is very dangerous territory. It’s important that you’re truthful with yourself about the abuse.

If you continue to make excuses or downplay, the dysfunction not only will the narcissist’s behavior become more frequent and more intense, but it literally starts to fog your own cognitive abilities.

When you tell yourself something long enough, you come to believe it, or at the very least accept it. It leads to living in denial. You can eventually become a contributing participant in the delusion that they’ve created. There is not anything okay about manipulating, deceiving, and humiliating other people. It is wrong. And it’s really important that you understand that it’s wrong.

2. Don’t take them at face value

Narcissists are deceptive, really pretty much everything about them is a deception. So it’s not just that you can’t trust their words as you know they are constantly lying, but the image they present to the world is also a deception. Image is everything to them.

They work incredibly hard to present a facade of superiority, but underneath that shiny façade, is people with narcissism feel empty. The presentation that they give, the image that they portray is not an act accurate depiction of who they truly are. If you take them at face value, if you believe the image they are presenting is an accurate account of who they are, you are in for a rude awakening.

Narcissists are always trying to learn as much information about you as possible. The more personal information you give to a narcissist, the more ammunition they have to use against you. All the information about you, the narcissists will use them against you at a later date, that’s just how they operate.

So whatever you share with them, they will use at a later date to either, humiliate, ridicule, manipulate, or even blackmail. Many times the way to use this information against you until you’re in a very vulnerable position, or maybe you’re in need. Do not share any information with someone you think could possibly be a narcissist, that they could ever use against you. The less you share with people like this the better.

A big mistake empathetic people make is that we assume that all people are empathetic and compassionate, and actually care about doing the right thing. We tend to project our core character traits onto everyone else around us, and that is a very big problem when we do this with a narcissist.

It’s hard for us to understand that there are people in this world who are just looking for an opportunity to take advantage of you, and in the most deceitful and deceptive ways – usually disguised as an angel or hero-, but there are, you just cannot make any assumptions when it comes to a person’s virtues in their character.

You must only base your beliefs about someone based on consistent patterns of behavior, and many times it will take time for you to know for sure. Do not believe that everyone else thinks and feels the way you do, this can be dangerous and can get you into a lot of trouble.

5. Don’t try and beat him at their own game

Sometimes when we discover what a narcissist has actually done behind our backs, and the harm that they haven’t intentionally caused, we want to react and get revenge. It certainly is normal to want to get even with people like this, but you need to remember, most narcissists have spent their lives perfecting their manipulation and smear campaigns.

These people are more manipulative and do more things in one week than some people commit in their entire life. The only thing that a narcissist truly cares about is winning, at all costs, and in all circumstances, and because this has been a pattern of behavior, they have adopted when they were very young.

If you try and go up against a narcissist, it would be a war between a seasoned pro and a complete amateur. Chances are you’re not going to win, and in fact, it will escalate the abuse of behaviors of the narcissist. Just don’t challenge them, stay true to your values and who you are as a person. It just isn’t worth it.

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6. Don’t take their actions personally

This is a hard one, but it’s so important to understand that narcissists take advantage of anyone that they can. They will say and do the most hurtful and cruel things to the people who are closest to them.

So you have got to understand that it is not you, they would treat anyone like this given the opportunity. This is just how they are made, this is what they do, this is what they do to make themselves feel superior, is to degrade and humiliate other people. It’s not personal, even though their hatred may be aimed at you, it is not you, it is nothing personal, it is just what these people do. And if they were not doing it to you, trust me, they would be doing and saying the same things to someone else.

7. Do not ever depend on them financially

Except for financial help, loan them money, or sign contracts with them. Having any financial ties to a narcissist is going to be a nightmare, I cannot stress this enough. Anything has to do with money only serves to either control you or take advantage of you, nothing else. if you loan them money, you will never see that money again. If you sign a loan with them, they will ruin your credit. If they want to financially support you, the goal is to control you.

Many narcissists believe if they financially support you, then that’s their free pass to abuse you whenever they feel like it. There is just no such thing as a free gift with an abuser. You will always pay the price in more ways than one. If you are financially dependent on a narcissist, you should immediately start taking steps to become financially independent.

It is so difficult to be able to protect yourself if they are the ones who controlled the finances. Do not get entangled with a narcissist and finances in any way, you will live to regret that.

8. Don’t expect empathy or fairness

The biggest identifying trait of a narcissist is a lack of empathy. They are incapable of feeling empathy for other people. Empathy is based on the assumption that a person is worthy, or equal, or deserving of compassion.

Narcissists don’t believe anyone is equal, their grandiosity leads them to see others as either inferior or completely undeserving of compassion. Do not ever expect a narcissist to reciprocate normal human kindness, you will be disappointed every single time.

9. Don’t expect them to change

People with a narcissistic personality disorder do not change. You may hear some other people say that they can rarely change, but you will not ever hear that here. They do not change, they may alter their behaviors for a time period, but that’s just a manipulation, it will not last.

Narcissus view people in two categories, they are either a threat or a potential victim. They are trapped in a never-ending quest for attention and approval. If you have hope or some hidden belief that they might change, you’re just setting yourself up. They don’t change. Your attention needs to be focused on how to take care of yourself when you’re around them.

10. Don’t underestimate the power of narcissism

Narcissism is a profound distortion of a person’s sense of self. A narcissist’s life is dictated by gaining narcissistic supply. Their life is an endless pursuit of gaining attention, success, wealth, power, sexual conquests, and so many other things.

They seek this fuel, and nothing is more important than drive is so powerful that the narcissist will betray the closest to them whenever it suits them, that’s really what you’re up against. No one and nothing is more important than obtaining supply, not you, not their own children, not anything.

In closing…

We can have compassion for the deep wounds that narcissists clearly have because it is sad. It’s incredibly sad. But having compassion for their wounds must not translate into excusing them and allowing them to hurt and harm you. They will not change. In fact, they usually get much worse. It is your responsibility and obligation to protect and take care of yourself and the people in your life that you care about, and that depends on you. That is not selfish, nor narcissistic, that is healthy living.