7 Things the Narcissist Will Do If You Leave

It is challenging and exhausting being romantically involved with a narcissist, but they can also cause havoc when they leave. Breakups are always hard, but when you’ve been in a relationship with someone who uses others and is obsessed with themselves, it can be even harder.

On the surface, narcissists can seem charming, engaging, and charismatic, which can make them difficult to leave in the first place.

Dr. Judith Orloff, a clinical psychiatrist at the University of California Los Angeles, wrote in a recent blog post on Psychology Today ” that narcissists can make you fall in love with them so hard that it feels like you’re giving up a part of your heart to leave them,” because they’re very good at becoming the center of your universe while you’re with them.

There are seven things that the narcissist almost guaranteed to do if you decide to leave, and I want you to be prepared for those. So let’s go over what those are.

1. The narcissist is going to blame and punish you

Get ready. Narcissists never take responsibility for anything, so why would take responsibility for the end of a relationship? It is certainly easier to blame others and to look within ourselves. Isn’t it? So again, narcissists cannot look in the mirror because it’s uncomfortable. It hurts. So it’s easier to put the blame on you.

I want you to think about something here, and we’ll go over some ways to combat these seven things that the narcissist will do at the end of the article, but think about this in the meantime. The narcissist is blaming you but never mind that you’ve been asking the narcissist to get help or change because I know you tried, for the last ten days, weeks, months, years, even decades. So why is it your fault? It’s something to think about.

2. The narcissists will try to convince you that you’ve made a mistake

They’re going to say things like, you can’t make it without me. Laura the grass isn’t greener, you’re going to see, and we’re sitting there right going – so brown and crunchy that it hurts to walk barefoot on it, it just might be a little greener.

But nope, that’s not what you’ll hear. And, of course, the favorite, no one is going to love you as I love you.

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3. The narcissus will hurt you

Remember, you have injured the narcissist. It’s a narcissistic injury, and that is how narcissists respond when you establish boundaries, or you leave them, or you put any kind of parameters or rules in place of how you want to be treated.

And when you’re just set up, and you leave, Can you imagine the narcissist is very injured? And they are very good at playing the victim when this happens. Mostly watch out because they are going to want revenge. So the narcissist will try to hurt you.

Some examples of this, and I hope it’s not physical abuse, and If it is, I encourage you to call the number of the National Domestic Violence hotline, I’ve called that number before just to have an ear when I was going through leaving the narcissist. So I encourage you to do the same if you feel like you are in physical danger or just need some help mapping out your decisions,

So anyway, the narcissist fool trying to hurt you and maybe things, like, not give you the money that you’re entitled to when leaving the relationship, stealing things from you, hurting your time with the kids, or not returning the kids on time.

I was even shown pictures of the women that the narcissist was dating after our divorce was final, and he would scroll to his phone and show me all the women that he was dating. it really hurts. Now, I would probably ask what? Do they know you’re dating them? But anyway, it hurts. It hurts deeply. So the narcissist will try to injury you.

4. The narcissist will move on quickly

The narcissist doesn’t want to look in the mirror. He doesn’t want to feel any pain, or suffering, or even just a small amount of regrets. So it’s easier to band-aid on themselves by dating, or getting involved, or even marrying someone else. Think about it.

The mind of a narcissist is a really unhappy place. And I often ask myself, would I want to be that person or when I want to be in their head? And for me, the answer is absolutely not.

5. The narcissist will be in denial

Again, at the narcissistic injury, it’s easier to be the victim or to say oh, she’s gonna cool off, or oh, he’s gonna cool off. I’ll just give him some time, it’s worked before if I just play it cool. Give them the silent treatment. Be passive-aggressive, whatever it is.

Sometimes, those of us when we’re done, we’re done, that’s it, I’m not going back. And if the narcissist has pushed you that bar and you decided you’re not going back, the narcissist may still come around and denial. And what this looks like for me was, he showed up, after the divorce was final, and cried, and said, ” Laura, I can’t believe that you’ve taken it this far, the divorce has been final for a month or two, and this is your last chance to make things right.

I thought the day to have done that would have been the day before we went to court to finalize this, But why are you doing it now? And there may be some subtle slams in there too. Are they thank you to come back or they show what they’re denying.

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There may be some things like our Thurber hearing, I know I cried and cried, I remember how did he put it, he said, I’ve got so many other served, I’m shutting them in and out, but you’re the one I want, oh, wow. So again, the narcissist may be in denial.

6. The narcissist will hand out guilt trips

It’s all your fault that our relationship is over. If the kids are struggling with it, which they just amazed, we’ll get them in counseling. It’s your fault that the kids are struggling.

Maybe one of your kids is having trouble in math, that’s going to be your fault too because they’re struggling from the divorce, never mind that it just might be a challenging math class this year. So don’t listen to that stuff.

7. the narcissists will promise to change

I want you to think about it, and I’ll say this to the entity. I want you to think about how many times you’ve heard that. The narcissist is going to promise to change. That now, they see that they are really going to lose you, so they are promising to change.

So what can you do if you’ve left the narcissist or you are planning to?

when these things start happening, here is what you can do to protect yourself:

1. I say this a lot, Go no contact or limited contact, depending on kids. It’s easier to go no contact if there are no kids or financial obligations that you’re finishing up after the ending of a relationship. Because hearing the narcissist’s voice or even seeing handwriting can trigger you and make you miss the narcissist.

2 . I want you to remember the truth, and this is why I encourage you to write down all the abuse on a separate piece of paper or in a different part of your journal. I want you to definitely write down all the bad things. We tend to forget those things that hurt us, and we romanticize the few good times.

And you can go back and look at the weeks, months, years, decades of what you went through and you can say, I hung in there for all this time, and look where it got me.

3. Talkback to the narcissist’s voice in your head like, hey, the grass is always greener, maybe your lawn looks pretty green to you through your rose-colored glasses but the one I’m standing on that really you are too is pretty brown and crunchy, I’m out.

Say these things to yourself in your head. And one of the favorites that I always heard was, no one’s going to love you as I love you, when I say now to that I wish I could have said it back then, is thank the Lord because I am really looking for some true unconditional love not whatever this is.