7 Ways to Effectively Deal with the Narcissist without Losing Yourself

Today, I want to talk about how to deal with a narcissist that you have to deal with. We read a lot of articles out there about the narcissist. The narcissistic traits. Avoiding the narcissist… But a lot of us have to deal with these folks. Some of these folks are either family members, spouses, or it’s somebody that we have to work directly with on a daily basis.

How do you effectively deal with the narcissist in your life without losing your own identity? What do we do when we can’t avoid this person? What if you’re related to, live with, a child of, married to, or an employee of one?

We can easily lose ourselves when we interact with this type of person on a daily basis. And in order to live our true life and to be honestly empowered, we must be true to ourselves. Pull focus to ourselves, realize our value, and see the situation clearly.

This article offers mental and emotional clarity that helps you to understand and realize your truth.

So let’s dig in right now and discuss the seven things that you can do to deal with the narcissist effectively, without losing your own identity.

1. Stop making the narcissist the center of attention

The first thing that I want you to do, and this may be challenging, is to stop making the narcissist the center of attention. I want you to be aware of the tendency of catering to them. Because remember when you first met this person, you made them the center of attention in your life. You made them that. And now, it’s time to break that cycle and begin to pull focus back to you.

When you pull focus back to you, it means that you’re actually gonna start focusing on yourself. Your needs, your wants, and your desires. I want you to ask yourself a question, when was the last time that you thought about your needs when you’ve been dealing with this narcissist? Because many of you are living with a narcissist. Some of you were married to a narcissist, some of you have a mom or a dad who’s a narcissist. When was the last time that you thought about your needs over their needs?

That’s something to really think about. This is gonna take time and effort, but if we can break this cycle, it’s gonna make major changes in your life.

2. Be honest in your word and deed

The second thing that I want you to do is, to be honest in your word and deed. That means that when the narcissist says that you’ve done something wrong and that’s not true, is not to just agree with them to get out of the argument, I want you to step up to the plate for yourself. I don’t want you angry. I don’t want you to start a knock-down-drag-out fight, but I want you to stand up to the truth of that.

Because when we let somebody tell a lie or when we let somebody blame us for something we didn’t do, that’s not honest, and that’s not truthful. I want us to be sure to stick with that because we want to make sure that we’re being honest and word indeed, and that we’re expecting the other person to be honest and word indeed too – and we’re holding them to it.

3. Ask yourself what do I stand for?

The third thing that I want you to do is to ask yourself what are your values, what are your beliefs, and what are your morals. Basically, what you stand for. I want you to really think about this. And this might take several days. It might take several weeks to really work through this. But I want you to write this down in a private journal that nobody has access to. And I want you to really think about it. What do I stand for and believe in? What do I value most? And what are the things that I value most of my life?

And Then, from there, I want you to really get to know who you are because this is going to help you to understand yourself. It’s going to give you great insight into yourself. And it’s probably something you’ve never done because you’ve been catering to other people a lot in your life. Especially, if you’re seriously surrounded by many narcissists, or you’re married to a narcissist, you can lose yourself in that other person.

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The second reason why this is important is that knowing this information allows you to create and assimilate boundaries. Your non-negotiables. The things that you will not deal with. So if somebody tries to step over your boundary about a personal belief, that’s a boundary, and don’t allow that to happen. Remember, we have to train other people to understand what we will and will not allow, and that’s our boundaries.

And once you understand that, and you stand true by that, your relationship with this person will definitely change. But you have to be consistent, and you have to do it every time. Because if you don’t, if you give them an inch, they will take a mile.

4. Always have clear boundaries

The fourth thing that I want you to do is to always have clear boundaries. I don’t want them to be muddled. I don’t want them to be confusing because if they’re confusing, they’re definitely confusing to the other person as well. And I also don’t want you to confuse somebody by being wishy-washy. Just like I said, if you’re wishy-washy and you don’t stand by them, the other person won’t respect them. And they damn sure will not help you to stand by those boundaries.

So think about that. I need you to set clear and concise boundaries based on understanding yourself of the query. This is important. This takes time and effort, but the coolest thing about that exercise is it begins to show you the inner you that you actually care about yourself. This goes a long way to eventually developing that unconditional love that so many people talk about. But it has to start here, and this is where it begins.

5. The narcissist will rarely take responsibility for their actions

The fifth thing that I want you to realize that it’s not all about them and that you’re not the one causing all the problems. Remember, the narcissist is rarely gonna take responsibility for anything, and I need you to know that. So when they’re pushing your buttons, when they’re gaslighting you, you need to have a sense of peace somehow.

That means that within your heart and mind, you have to know the truth. You don’t always have to argue it. And you don’t always have to fight it. But in order to keep your sanity in these situations, and not go to that level. You need to know it on the inside.

So being super mindful in any of these situations adds to the clarity because when you’re in a relationship with someone that has narcissistic tendencies or might be suffering from a narcissistic personality disorder, you need to know where you stand because otherwise, you can clearly lose yourself very easily in a situation and be in an argument and have it escalate. Or begin to question your own sanity, or begin to question what really did happen in that situation, or what you really did see.

So you need to have that clarity and understanding. And the only way to do that is to be super-mindful and be in the moment so that you can defend yourself or not really deal with it, but just know that this has nothing to do with you.

6. Other people are going to test your changes

The sixth thing that I want you to remember is that anytime you make changes to any situation in life, other people are gonna test your changes. So when you’re starting to make these changes where they’re no longer the center of attention, and you’re actually pulling focus on you. When you begin to remember that you have to stand tall, that you also begin to work on those values as morals, beliefs, and creating those boundaries, and being true to yourself, they’re probably going to test you on these new changes because it’s going to be extremely different than the old you, the way that you used to act.

So remember that when they’re testing you, we got to stay the course. We also don’t want to lose our cool, we don’t want to get angry, and it’s really hard not to. But the more that we can be more adult-like, the more that we can be more healthy, and the more that we can be more consistent will go a long way to retraining the person in this situation.

But consistency is key. Because like I said earlier, if you give them an inch, they will take a mile. And if they don’t believe that you’re really believing this new change, they’re gonna find ways to break you Down. Because remember, a narcissist doesn’t like boundaries. It’s not something they’re fond of. It’s not something they like. They don’t really understand them.

So when you’re creating this new healthy kind of atmosphere within yourself, they’re gonna test you. Just be ready for those tests and just keep working on it because over a period of time, you’re gonna retrain them at least to a certain degree, and you’re gonna have at least a little bit or even more peace of mind than you’ve had in the past.

7. Find a therapist that knows how to deal with narcissism

Last but not least, seeking a therapist or life coach who has a ton of experience dealing with narcissism and cluster B personality disorders.

This can be extremely helpful, and it’ll give you someone that you can talk to. Someone that you can discuss the situation within a safe environment. That’s not going to get back to your family and friends, some of our family and friends have great advice and some of them are amazing people but when we’re discussing something that’s really close to our hearts, and we’re discussing maybe somebody that they know very well or related too, they’re probably not going to be somewhere in the middle in the conversation because they have a stake in the matter.

it’s better to talk to someone that has no skin in the game and someone that can really come from a position of helping you have clarity instead of adding more drama to your plate already.

These seven things can really change your life when it comes to the narcissist because sometimes these relationships can be salvaged and sometimes they can be successful, but they could only be successful when we live within our own personal power. Without our personal power, without being true to us, they can’t be successful because it cannot be a successful relationship where I lose myself in it.

We have to be solid as a rock in this relationship and we have to be consistent, and we have to have those boundaries that are the only way that this relationship will survive and it’s the only way that you can have a somewhat healthy relationship.