Feeling Insecure In A Relationship? Do This! | How To Deal With Relationship Insecurities.

Feeling insecure in a relationship or insecurities, in general, can really destroy your relationship. We know that they come from nowhere, but what we need to do is we need to make sure that you are in control of them so that you don’t self-sabotage your chances at love.

In this article, I’m going to talk about Feeling insecure in a relationship, or more specifically, how to deal with your insecurities in your relationship. In today’s topic, I really want to talk about what happens when you just allow your anxiety and your insecurities to take control of your decisions, mindset, and actions, and they start to negatively affect your relationship.

Insecurities and anxiety are a completely normal part of life. And I think often we feel guilty for having these insecurities because we look at other people’s relationships, and we assume that they’re just confident, thriving, and just kind of perfect. But we need to have a reality check. What happens is if you haven’t dealt with past baggage or even present sort of pains and fears, they can manifest in really self-sabotaging habits in your relationship.

And what that can do is it can actually drive away from the person that you love, even if you don’t want to because you haven’t learned to deal with it. So it’s really important that we hit it on the head before it actually destroys your relationship.

So here is what to do when you’re feeling insecure in a relationship.

1. Name each insecurity.

Now, the first thing to do when you’re feeling insecure in a relationship is actually to name them. Whether that insecurity is low self-esteem, the fear of being cheated on, the fear of missing out, maybe the fear of being hurt. Whatever it is that, you have this anxiety and this conflict about. I want you to get a piece of paper, and I want you to actually write it down.

By writing it down, you’re able to almost put a label on that insecurity, and that means that you’re able to work out what the solution is and where that insecurity is coming from. When we have a sense of direction or when we have a name over our problems, it gives a little bit more peace that we’re able to work out okay and what do we need to do next.

It is like when people are sick and they’re going from Doctor to doctor. They just want to know what’s wrong with them. And when they actually finally have a name for that disease or sickness, even though it hasn’t cured the problem, it at least gives you a sense of peace knowing what it is. So that’s what I want you to do. I want you to write down first every insecurity that you have.

2. Where is it coming from?

The second thing to do is find out where this insecurity is coming from. If this insecurity maybe is the fear of having your partner cheat on you so you’re constantly trying to control them, or you’re nagging them, or you’re stalking them, or you’re basically accusing them, or getting on the defensive, then you have to ask yourself. Why do I feel this way? Is it actually their behavior or is it something that comes from my own fear and baggage?

Feeling insecure in a relationship basically come from either the circumstances that are going on, which involve both of you, one of you, or just yourself. Now, if your partner is doing things to consistently feed your insecurities like they’re putting you down, they’re mistreating you, acting secretive, maybe they’re just doing really out of character sort of things, then your anxiety around those issues are probably validated.

And it’s important to be able to start identifying again what those sort of reasons are or why you’re feeling like that and how you can actually start to address them.

A book: Anxiety Disorders In Women – The Ultimate Resource Guide

If your insecurities are purely coming from your own sort of, issues going on inside you because you haven’t dealt with maybe stuff that happened in your childhood, or past relationships, and you’re basically holding on to all this baggage and fear, then it’s important to be able to really look at it and get help about it.

One of the big reasons why I myself was able to go from 10 years of toxic dating and relationships to finally mean the man of my dreams, and getting engaged within nine months, is because I got help. I realized that I was the common denominator in my life. Wasn’t just the bad man that I was dating. It was the fact that I was making decisions that were self-sabotaging my chances of happiness, and those decisions were coming out of my insecurities and fears.

When I was finally able to address them, and actually get help and face them, even though they were quite confronting, I was then able to work on the solutions to conquer them and finally get my breakthrough.

3. Communicate openly.

The third thing to do is to communicate openly. If you just allow your insecurities to start to rule your life, your decisions, your mindset, your words, and your relationship, and your response to your partner, then your insecurities are basically going to just continue to grow, and they’re going to start to destroy your relationship.

They will push away the person that you love. Or what they will do is that they will continue to build the anxiety inside your brain, and then you will just never have that peace or progress that you yearn for.

Now, this might mean simply sitting down and saying to your partner I need to talk about how I feel about this and this. Or I know that maybe you’ve noticed that I’ve been acting this way a little bit, this is why I’m doing this. If it helps to actually talk to a professional first to kind of get clarity on everything so that you’re not being rash not, then do that first. Or maybe talk to a trusted friend, or an adviser, or a coach.

Then you want to actually make sure you talk to your partner as well. Don’t just go talk to everyone else. Actually, talk to your partner because they’re the ones in the relationship with you.

4. Get help.

As I said before, the reason why I personally was able to overcome my insecurities and fear is I got professional help. I actually went and saw a counselor because I wasn’t even aware that dating and relationship coaches existed back then, and it was life-changing for me. It gave me the strength and clarity and support that I needed in order to be able to move forward.

Now, if you can’t afford a dating and relationship coach, do not stress. There’s so much free content out there including what is on my blog, and of course, also the free guides and everything that I give away, which I will put on the website later.

5. Find the counteractive action solution.

Find the counteractive action solution, which is going to be a part of your solution. What I mean by this is a lot of the time we think, well, I’ve named what my fear is, or I named what my insecurity is, should not just be feeling better now, or shouldn’t I just kind of feel as I can get over it?

It’s not like that. If you had a consistent fear in your life or consistent experience that has built insecurity within you, you don’t get rid of it overnight. You can get a revelation about something, but then actually making sure that you do something about it and you do it consistently so your brain starts to rewire itself. That actually takes time. So what you want to do when you’re feeling insecure in a relationship is you want to do an action that is easy and simple that’s going to counteract that fear.

For example, if you’re someone that has really low self-esteem, and you have no confidence and so what you do is whenever your partner gives you a compliment, you actually tell him that you’re not beautiful and you put yourself down, which is self-sabotaging, you want to start building yourself up and you want to start a firm in yourself.

Trust and transparency aren’t necessarily about feeling that you have to have access to everything that they have access to. But instead, it’s actually about affirming them that you trust them verbally, and then following through with actions and that like not picking up their phone and always checking it, or maybe focus in on the good stuff that they’re always doing with you and being present in that moment instead of having this fear or worrying about something in the future that hasn’t even happened.

6. Focus on your strengths/ Securities.

Lastly, what you want to do when you’re feeling insecure in a relationship is you want to focus on your strengths. I find that this is just a really simple way to start to reach from your mind and just turn everything around. If you’re constantly focusing on your faults, your weaknesses, or your fears, whatever you feed, that is what is going to grow.

So if you’re able to start making even a list of all the wonderful qualities about all your strengths, all the things that you are secure about whether it’s in yourself, the person you’re with, and your relationship, then make that list and put it somewhere where you can see it. Put it on the wall, put it on the back of the door so that you can constantly have a visual reminder to remind your brain of all the great things that are going on in your life.

You want to start making decisions out of this mindset of strengths rather than a mindset of fear.